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| 05:57pm 27/05/2008 |
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We're all growing up and getting old. Katie, Isis...we're graduating. How weird is that? I don't know what i'm going to do with myself. |
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| Decision Time |
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| 07:40pm 10/08/2007 |
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mood:  nervous
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So, I have all but abandoned livejournal, yet i always come crawling back sooner or later.
Today i received a verbal offer for a full-time job at Chevron as a Facilities Engineer...which is great, except for the fact that the position is in Bakersfield, California. I have until Monday to tell my HR representative if i would be willing to go there for her to give me the official offer. I'm having a really hard time making this decision that will inevitably affect the rest of my life for ever and ever.
It's a great career opportunity and the job i really want, but i'm terrified of going across the country to a place i've never been with no one i know. My parents are telling me to go for it, but i'm scared of being completely alone for the next few years.
Of course I'd be offered a position in hippy-land. I blame Katie. |
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| one more day up in the canyon |
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| 10:07am 10/07/2006 |
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mood:  cheerful
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I, like usual, have not updated my journal in about a million years. Which is a long time...unless your reference is the geological time period, in that case its not really that much. Where to start...New Mexico; the land i hate to love. I didnt think id like this place so much. Every day when i drive home from work i look out at the mountains and lose my breath. It's amazingly gorgeous here. I thanks to my job and Goose's brother have seen so much of this place too. I've met some really cool people, and done some really fun things. This summer has been amazing so far and i'm way excited about spending the rest of it doing rediculous things and hanging out with Goose now that she's back from Russia. We caught tadpoles last night and climbed down to this cave called hell's hole. I was quite frightened of the heights, but i think i'm getting better.
I've had so many new experiences already. I've played mud volleyball thanks to the atomic volleybombers. I've had a hail fight, gone to a counting crows concert, played guitar by moonlight on the side of a canyon as the rio grande runs below, i've gone on a 25 mile hike to the top of a 12000 foot peak, caught several trout while flyfishing in a serene green high altitude mountain lake, I learned how to clean them, I went into an ice cave with a waterfall in it (i'll post pics if i can figure out how to get them off my phone). I've ridden a motorcycle through the beautiful Jemez mountains, I've seen one of the biggest volcanoe calderas in the world, I've had prickly pear cactus juice (hot pink in color), I've seen a bob cat, a rattlesnake, an elk, and prarie dogs, I've tubed down the rio chama.
I leave for Wyoming this week for work. I'm so excited, because it will be 10 days of hiking and camping in an awesome place. I'm way grateful for the opportunities i've been givin this summer and the kindness and acceptance of everyone here. I have an amazing job that allows me to travel and go outside in the mountains. Hopefully tonight James will be able to take us flying. we were going to go friday but the plane needed some repairs. Well i have to actually do some work now. Adios livejournal. |
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| 09:53pm 26/03/2006 |
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i feel disposable |
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| 11:53pm 28/02/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative
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So, now that its been several months, and there's no longer feelings of resentment or anger towards the guy that made me doubt my self-worth, broke my trust, and forever changed my outlook on life, and all that is left is the reflection of past events where these intense feelings used to be. In state of passionate reflection i wrote this poem shortly after Ben broke up with me, and i am not sure if i want to leave it as a poem, or make it into a song. Criticism is encouraged from fellow songwriters/poemwriters.
( lame poem ) |
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| 11:04am 07/02/2006 |
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Wow, after getting sick completely ruined my weekend and prevented me from studying, and i think i am as sick is i'm going to get...i get even sicker. Eff Ewe Bacteria and/or viruses! |
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| 12:03am 04/02/2006 |
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mood:  relaxed
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Today was a good day. We had a barbeque for lacrosse, and the whole team bonded and had a good ol' time. We drank some alcamahol and played some cranium. Theres a new girl on the team and we chitchatted a bit. She was like....werent you in my DiffEQ class? and i was like yeah. Turns out shes a civil engineer major. Its pretty cool to have another nerd on the team. She was like, yeah i had to play lacrosse again, i cant not play a sport after playing soccer in high school. I was like, thats cool i also played soccer in high school. And she was like, but i mostly focused on violin. Turns out we played all-region orchestra together because shes from houston also. She informed me of an orchestra that she plays with in plainview, so i think i'm going to audition. Sweet part is, if i make it, i get paid to go to rehearsals and concerts.
Tomorrow a solo artist who i cant wait to see, comes to town. He is amazing on acoustic i hear. So i think i'm gonna have a chill day tomorrow and watch that show, then crash early for the marathon study thats in store for me sunday. I dont really know of anyone that would want to go with me. Whitney promised to hang out with her boyfriend, and ryan's hanging out with his girlfriend. i was invited, but i dont like the third wHeel situation or the "quick find rachel a random awqward date so she can hang out" situation. I'll probably just go alone to see the acoustic singer/songwriter. I dont do that enough, and I think it will be refreshing to go somewhere independently and just watch a show. I need to be more self-sufficient. I think i've lost a lot of that somewhere along the way.
Freaking three tests next week. i realize that last sentence is a fragment, but i have no desire to fix it, so instead i'll write an extravagantly long following sentence to explain myself instead of just going back and altering it. Anyway, imma go rest my little aHbawls. Goodnight, LJ audience. |
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| 03:49pm 02/01/2006 |
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I'm a fucking idiot, and i almost died yesterday....other than that, 2006 is off to a great start. |
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| 12:54pm 29/12/2005 |
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mood: happy
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Its like the 8th day in a row of amazing running/convertible weather, and i am rediculously happy about it. I hope it stays warm through the weekend though, because the swell is building in galveston. I think this is going to be a hella awesome new years...unlike last year. The last couple times i've been the skim has been prime though, so thats always a failsafe if the surf sucks. |
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| 04:28pm 21/12/2005 |
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mood: good
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Well i'm back in Kinghood, which is a refreshing change of scenery from dust-blowin, sleet-ridden West Texas. I made it through finals without an ulcer luckily, but unfortunately i got a 69 in Thermodynamics, so regrettfully i have to retake it. I'm really dissapointed in myself, because i know if i had put forth a little more effort i wouldnt be retaking it next semester. Instead of cutting a class, i decided i'm just going to tack thermo onto my already planned course load for next spring. That will bring me up to 17 hours....which is going to be a challenge, but i think i can do it.
After finals i stayed friday through saturday and saw Ryan's graduation. Isis came up, and so did Ryan's mom, who i think is awesome. We all ate lunch at Rosas after graduation, and that was fun. then we played trivial pursuit that night and me and Ryan's mom pwned Ryan and Isis...hehe. I stayed with Paul and Kenny friday and saturday. It was fun hanging out with them. We watched movies, and played poker, and talked about ludicrous things. then Sunday we left at 6:30 am on the long trek back to Houston. We stopped in Dublin texas to get original formula doctor peppers from the original dr. pepper factory. Then we stopped in some random town in god-knows-where texas to eat at a little shack of a bbq place. It was a fun trip, ya know, except for the 9 hours of driving.
Monday Kteapp, Kim and I went to Rivergrove and talked/fished/took goofy pictures, then we went to crystal burger. We then went back to HQ, Isis and Jake came over, and we hot-tubbed it. It felt excellent.
Quote of the day: "Do we know anyone with a boat and a bow and arrows?"
Yesterday I saw John for the first time in a year. It was good to see him, less the fresh pickings on i received with respect for last new years. We went to the lake to try to go fishing, but aborted mission once we realized how cold we were, but not too soon to carve "i love trees" on a tree adjacent to the lake. Then we all went to Bogies Billiards and shot some pool, which i am terrible at. John and I destroyed Katie and Isis, however, due to the fact that John is a shark. Then Amber Eckley came up to the pool hall. She's fun. Then we all migrated to Humble IHOP.
wow this is my longest journal entry ever i think. But im bored so i figured this could kill some time.
Oh yeah, and last night i had one of my most dream-intensive nights ever. I had like five or six dreams that i can remember vividly. One of which really scared me. Interesting... |
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| **Disclaimer** Emo Post Ahead |
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| 01:12am 11/12/2005 |
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mood:  discontent
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I just need to leave Lubbock, stat. This semester has certainly tested my emotional stability to the highest extent. My trust has been broken by one of my closest "friends" who finds the need to ignore me now for reasons that are beyond me. My self-esteem has been shattered by a guy who prefers a promiscuous geology girl over my exclusive company. I'm deserted by another friend who is "unwilling" to side in the previously stated matter, leaving me to pick up the shards of my own shattered self-esteem and move on. I hit a really low point after that, and since then, i cant help but feel alone all the time. When i go out i dont want to meet new people, which is typically unlike me, but i cant help but be dissapointed in essentially everyone. If a friend that is so close to you can just turn their back completely, i dont know who i can trust, really.
Today i had a day of relaxation before the four day marathon of stress-inducing, brain exhaustion begins. Audrey was gone all day, so i stayed in my room alone and thought. I worked on a song i'm writing a little bit too. Earlier tonight i hung out with ryan after eating dinner, and we got into a heated argument. I feel bad because i got really pissed off and yelled at him. We're both so stubborn. We didnt talk to eachother for an hour or two. I then went home. It was kind of a dissapointing night, especially because it was my last free night before four days of hell. But Lubbock is kind of a dissapointing town. |
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| 08:32am 21/11/2005 |
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I feel myself losing motivation.
I just don't understand how it is that people that try to be moral and decent get screwed over by those who don't time and time again. Just like in Physics last semester...I worked my ass off just to keep up and learn the material, and what good did it bring me? Practically none, because half of the class was cheating and screwing over the class averages. I got the lower grade but worked harder. How the fuck is that justice....seriously. The liars, cheaters, and stealers always come out on top. So whats the point in even trying to maintain "standards". I just dont see it.
Thats an alarming fact to discover at this point, because thats the single principle which holds my outlook on life together. The idea that people are generally good, and those who are good people will come out on top. But I guess the people who come out on top in reality are the CEO's of Enron or the coked up professional athletes. Honest people dont make it up there.
I've seen friends fall into these downward spirals of depravity and wondered, "how can they just let this happen, they were so strong". But now i'm starting to understand. I guess once you're exposed to the true nature of people in general you come to a crossroad where you have to choose. Do i continue on a path of "what is right" even though you know its all just a facade and no one really cares what's right, or do you take the darker road that leads you to the only thing left....hedonism. |
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| 12:21am 31/10/2005 |
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So today was my 20th birthday. I guess its time for me to reminisce over the past 20 years of my life (thats right i said 20...your first birthday celebrates the end of your first year of life, hence the twentieth does likewise).
So i realize that i am truly blessed. I have a lot of amazing people around that care about me, and i genuinely appreciate them. I had a great birthday.
Wow while listening to Pachelbel Canon in D Major just now, i realized that Vitamin C totally ripped it off for her graduation song.
And Gonzo Stream Of Conscience continues....anyway back to what i was saying. I have totally incredible friends that somehow infinite amount of patience with me despite my seemingly endless list of imperfections. Katie Pehler called me last night during the play she was in. That was the bests parts of my birthday. I <3 Panda Bear. Isis was in town! It was fun hanging out with her (as it always is). My facebook wall was totally packed tonight with wishes of happy birthday which was a pleasant surprise that i wasnt expecting. Also thanks for the lj post kimmybehr.
Ben took me out to dinner saturday evening at an Indian restaurant. He's nothing short of amazing.
I got an IM from Canadian John, which i wasnt expecting as i haven't talked to him in approximately 4.5 billion years. That was cool.
I had dinner tonight at IHOP (where else) with my homeslices (yes, i said homeslices), which was nice. Stuffed french toast is simply divine. Audry and Jen bought me several pairs of underwear and gave them to me at the restaurant in a basket. They made sure to embarass me completely. And i appreciate that hehe. After that we dairy queened like no ones business.
Anyway, that was how my weekend went....well the birthday half anyway. And again i apologize for the extreme, choppy, and unfluid manner of my posts. |
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| 10:59pm 16/10/2005 |
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Well again i return to you lj. I suppose things have been going quite well. I have found a boy that i like to an extent that i never thought possible, and for some insane reason he feels the same way about me. So we're officially "together" now. What an unfortunate situation for him hehe. Anyway, thats been going really well. I love the fact that we have different humor and different taste in......oh practically everything. It doesnt really make too much sense why we get along so well, but i guess thats the beauty of offbeat connectivity.
So things recently have hit warp speed lately and i can hardly adjust quickly enough to the drastic change around me. Its almost unfathomable how things can turn on a dime and your whole world is changing. I'm quitting the soccer team, which i feel absolutely terrible about, but i feel its necessary for me to maintain a positive disposition overall. I am just not happy playing goalkeeper, and i feel as though its come to the point where i need to quit and avoid the internal frustration it brings to work so hard at practice and be stuck standing in a box during a game. What is a goalkeeper anyway? A person asked to stand on one side of the field and attempt to prevent their team from losing. Either you go unrecognized or you're a dissapointment. In terms of morale its a tough position to be in, not to mention the inability to be an active part of the game. Its just tough because i love the game and i love my team, i just feel this is the only way for me to not be frustrated all the time. Anyway some more time to focus on studying could do me some good.
In other news, last weekend i went back to Houston for soccer. It was way fun, and i got to see Kimmybear! (who graced me with her presence even though she was at renfest shortly before hand.) It was good to see the family and hang out with my team also.
This weekend was also quite fun. Isis came up to Lubbock and we all got a little bit (ruuuuhl ruuuuhl luhl bit) intoximacated. It was funlarious. Today i hung out with benjamin. It was a beautiful day so we got wendys and ate in a park. It was quite nice.
And lastly i'll finish off with a dream i had last night. I dreamt that i woke up and walked down the hall of my residence hall to see no one anywhere. Then i knocked on a nearby door, to which no one answered. I opened the door because it was cracked and the girls were not there, nor was any of their stuff. So i ran to the next door to find the same, and the next, and the next. Until finally i was panicking. So i ran to the door to the outside, and when i opened it water came rushing in flooding the hall. I just remember being submerged in utmost panick, struggling to get away from the rushing water. That dream was the most frightening dream i've had in quite some time. The panick and uneasiness i felt was inexplicable.
Anywho, thats whats been going on as of late. Sorry to bore you kids to tears, but not to worry i seldom update. |
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| 02:41pm 08/09/2005 |
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The other night i had a dream that i havent had in a really long time. I dreamt i drowned. Every time i've had one of these dreams its been a different situation. This time it is in a water park and like many of my other dreams some of my friends are around and lifeguards. My innertube flipped and i was pinned underwater by a wall and a current, and in my dream....like the others i can see through the water the lifeguards and my friends. I dont know if they dont notice me or if they just choose not to help me but i stay underwater until i wake up, when i realize i've been holding my breath. I went to sleep frustrated that night, but i dont recall the contexts of the other times i've had these dreams. Sometimes i drown in the ocean, one time i drown in a pool at work and the other lifeguard jumped in to save me but also drown. I dont know what the hell they mean. Any psychology majors....or someone with a dream book, would you please give me some insight? |
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| 03:21pm 06/09/2005 |
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Good news! i got a new phone today! :) Well actually my mom did , but she's mailing it to me so it should be here in a few days. man what a relief.
In other good news, i'm playing soccer this coming sunday at UT at 1 pm on the recreational fields. If you go to UT and you love me you should come. |
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| Lubbock or leave it. |
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| 10:33am 02/09/2005 |
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So things have been going well up here in the LBK. Classes have been going on a week now and i have a pretty good grasp on the fact that i'm effed in the a in school. My differential equations teacher is this funny Russian guy. The only problem is that his writing is inscrutible. My engineering graphics class seems like it wont be too bad, but theres a lot of work in that class. Materials science is so interesting because i have a professor that cares and makes interesting lectures. I never thought i'd be excited to learn about metals, ceramics, polymers, and composites. My thermodynamics class already is getting rediculously complicated, but he's a good teacher. And my mechanics class is pure chaos. The teacher has the thickest Russian accent humanly possible. No one understands a word that comes out of his mouth. that means hours of outside class studying just to learn the material. blargh.
I forgot how much i love this place. I don't particularly like the city persay, but the university and the people are awesome. People are so friendly. Last night i went out dancing with the girls. oh em gee it was so fun. Audrey (my roommate) was dancing with this black guy. they were really good but it was hilarious. And i learned to two step with the cutest cowboy ever. Holy crap...i never thought i'd dance with a boy in a cowboy hat. I'm almost ashamed to admit it. I also salsa danced with my friend Al. That was really fun.
Soccer is going well, and i think we will be doing well this year. We've been running our tails off. I'm finally getting back into shape and it feels great. We play Rice in Houston on October 10th. :)
As much as i love houston, i must say that Lubbock's weather wins hands down. Its always breezy and sunny, and at nights is cool, instead of a sauna.
Well i have class to attend and Airplane! to watch. Ciao
I'm glad to hear that Jake and Sarah are safe and sound. My prayers go out to New Orleans. |
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| 01:12pm 29/08/2005 |
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I thought i'd hop on the bandwagon and do three interesting facts about myself that my friends may otherwise not know.
1) I hate the word "sneakers" a whole lot. It makes me cringe when people use it around me. I just call them tennis shoes or running shoes.
2) I have reoccuring drowning dreams fairly regularly.
3) And finally...I secretly wear waist high granny panties under my clothes at all times. ALL times.
I tag:
Miranda
Jake
And anyone else who hasnt done it yet |
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